a lot of the times during school days, I feel like I want to do so many things. And I tend to get distracted to do these things. I tell myself to focus on my studies, and convince myself that I will be able to do these things in the holidays. Yet, when the holidays roll around and I take these things out to do, I find myself unentertained by them and find that I have a short attention span for them. I end up feeling bored and never completing what I set out to think was what I would enjoy doing. Nevertheless, I do enjoy doing them, but I do realise that I only fully appreciate them when I need something to take my mind off work for awhile. The key here, is for awhile. Only now, do I suddenly realise this. Take jewellery-making and all my other handicraft hobbies and fetish, I love doing them, I enjoy doing them, but only as a little sideline/breather away from work. As part of a little self-indulgence, as part of a little activity to refresh my mind, as part of a little guilty indulgence once in a while (ie, I should be studying but here I am making jewellery, or smth along those lines). Now you get what I mean? Only during those times, do I fully appreciate and enjoy doing those things. And all these while I thought I really did. And so, for the past two holidays I have been forcing myself to do those things. Devoting a lot of my time to them, but often times coming out with nought, because I end up with a short attention span and get bored with them so fast, I find my butt mouldy within three hours. I realise, it's the thrill of the guilty self-indulgence that makes these activities fun. Or is it just that urbanised folks are just this way nowadays, we just cannot live one moment without something exciting on our hands, even if it just means a five-minutes TV commercial break, we must get down to chatting on msn, even three minutes would be good. I find that I cannot just cut myself some slack and let my brain go mush. I am in need of constant excitement and entertainment. In which, relative to the lifestyle in Cambodia, life was slower and the people did not mind. They were contented and were not on the constant search for thrills. I do not know if that says something about me or urbanised countries, but I do realise that if you were to make me live like the Cambodians, I would probably die off with boredom. Now I am staring at my jewellery-making tools and beads and findings and already, I am slightly put off. Maybe it's because at the rush of the moment, I want to go out into the social light and am simply not interested in holing up. I have a trend, I realised, I like to pick up my tools, just before I retire into bed. Now, does that say something to you? It's like I must do something before I sleep or I will not feel at ease. Which really sums up this post. It's confirmed; my interest is really spurred when I have something else I need to get done, but only want a little change in direction for a while.

a lot of the times during school days, I feel like I want to do so many things. And I tend to get distracted to do these things. I tell myself to focus on my studies, and convince myself that I will be able to do these things in the holidays. Yet, when the holidays roll around and I take these things out to do, I find myself unentertained by them and find that I have a short attention span for them. I end up feeling bored and never completing what I set out to think was what I would enjoy doing. Nevertheless, I do enjoy doing them, but I do realise that I only fully appreciate them when I need something to take my mind off work for awhile. The key here, is for awhile. Only now, do I suddenly realise this. Take jewellery-making and all my other handicraft hobbies and fetish, I love doing them, I enjoy doing them, but only as a little sideline/breather away from work. As part of a little self-indulgence, as part of a little activity to refresh my mind, as part of a little guilty indulgence once in a while (ie, I should be studying but here I am making jewellery, or smth along those lines). Now you get what I mean? Only during those times, do I fully appreciate and enjoy doing those things. And all these while I thought I really did. And so, for the past two holidays I have been forcing myself to do those things. Devoting a lot of my time to them, but often times coming out with nought, because I end up with a short attention span and get bored with them so fast, I find my butt mouldy within three hours. I realise, it's the thrill of the guilty self-indulgence that makes these activities fun. Or is it just that urbanised folks are just this way nowadays, we just cannot live one moment without something exciting on our hands, even if it just means a five-minutes TV commercial break, we must get down to chatting on msn, even three minutes would be good. I find that I cannot just cut myself some slack and let my brain go mush. I am in need of constant excitement and entertainment. In which, relative to the lifestyle in Cambodia, life was slower and the people did not mind. They were contented and were not on the constant search for thrills. I do not know if that says something about me or urbanised countries, but I do realise that if you were to make me live like the Cambodians, I would probably die off with boredom. Now I am staring at my jewellery-making tools and beads and findings and already, I am slightly put off. Maybe it's because at the rush of the moment, I want to go out into the social light and am simply not interested in holing up. I have a trend, I realised, I like to pick up my tools, just before I retire into bed. Now, does that say something to you? It's like I must do something before I sleep or I will not feel at ease. Which really sums up this post. It's confirmed; my interest is really spurred when I have something else I need to get done, but only want a little change in direction for a while.